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#1 26-04-04 11:31:39

sallyb
Guest

Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

:cry: I am a late learner and I'm sure not the only one to experience intense stress & aggravation when practising with my husband. I have been taking lessons, which I am enjoying, and according to my instructor am a competent and safe driver. However as a passenger my husband tries to drive for me which leads to conflict, and my driving becomes poor. Anyone have any tips for us?

26-04-04 11:31:39

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Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage



#2 26-04-04 13:31:48

Badger
Guest

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

Hello Sally

Well done on taking the plunge to be independent.

Your Instructor says you are competent and safe.  Use that as the background for everything you do in you own ptractice.

Your husbands role is simply to comply with the law and sit beside you whilst you practice.  He does not need to teach you anything, you are paying an instructor to do that.  It is better in fact if he doesnt tell you what to do unless you ask him or if you are stuck or unsure about som,ething

If you are finding it difficult to handle the situation you will become stressed and your driving performance will suffer and the situation will just get worse.

It may be better in your situation to just stick to driving lessons which would be a pity because the more practice you get the better your confidence becomes and the easier you will find the test.

Hope that helps

Badger


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#3 26-04-04 15:27:03

Approved Instructor
Verified Member
From: Blackburn, Preston, Lancashire
Registered: 16-03-04
Posts: 884
Website

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

Welcome to the forum sallyb

Good advice from badger, but at a last resort you could use Duck Tape  :idea:

Perhaps you could ask your instructor if it would be ok for your husband to come out with you on a few driving lesson, You both may gain from this ?

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#4 26-04-04 16:43:02

sallyb
Guest

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

Thank you Badger for your advice....I'll pass it on to my other half

Sallyb


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#5 28-04-04 10:02:42

Folk
Guest

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

From one fellow Learner to another, Welcome!

I have found that driving with an instructor is completely different to driving with a relative (husband in my case).  I get far more flustered when I'm driving with him and panic over things I know how to do usually. 

I have just bought the book called The Official Guide to Accompanying L-Drivers.  I'm sure you'll find it in the bookshop on this site.

Although my husband hates reading, it is broken up into sections and is easy to read.  It explains things simply - the role of the accompanying driver, what they can expect you to do as a learner etc. 

I would definitely recommend you getting this book as I am sure it will help you both.  As Badger said, you are paying for instruction so your husband doesn't need to teach you anything - but what you and I need from our husbands is the practice time. 

Hope this helps.

Folk  smile

#6 29-04-04 14:47:07

sallyb
Guest

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

Folk, I have already bought the book, so I will get him to read it again. We'll be going out this w/e for a drive, so I'll try and not get flustered etc and if he doesn't behave himself I will get out the duck tape!

I suppose I should tell my instructor but am not sure that being a marriage guidance counsellor is part of his brief!

sallyb

#7 02-05-04 07:16:10

Gizmotime
Administrator
From: Bolton Lancashire
Registered: 05-04-04
Posts: 1,962

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

Hello Sally

I really feel for anyone who is having private practice with there spouse,nothing worse is there.
All the advice you have been given is great from Badger and I agree 100% with it.
The other thing I would suggest is how about asking your Husband to sit in on a couple of lessons,with you and your ADI :idea: This way your Husband can see exactly how you are being taught,but more to the point how well you are doing. I'm sure your Adi wouldn't mind this.
Then use the Duck Tape as well wink

Best of luck.
Giz.

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#8 02-05-04 07:38:54

Midge
Member
From: Nottingham
Registered: 25-02-04
Posts: 414
Website

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

I had a pupil who was having trouble when she  had driving practice with her husband.   Normally a very calm man, he wasn't really helping her,  so I did as Gizmotime suggested and asked him if he would like to sit in the back during lessons.  He did this for a few lessons before I called a halt.   They were rowing in my car, never mind theirs.  The amazing thing was, it was mostly her fault.   He couldn't help making a tiny noise when she did something wrong that he knew she should have got right, and she then went balistic (against him, not me).  She just could not take any critisism, no matter how helpful, from him, although she was perfectly alright with me.  I just told them that the extra practice she was getting wasn't worth a divorce, and they'd better give up.  She passed her test alright.
I still see them occasionally, still happily married, been introduced to their  lovely new baby, but I daren't ask who does most of the driving. big_smile
Midge


Midge  -   Dip D.I.

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#9 10-05-04 12:42:38

sallyb
Guest

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

Time for an update! Just had my first lesson with a new instructor (change due to my timetable not theirs) and all went well  big_smile  Driving with husband still stressful  sad so I have decided to give it a break for a couple of weeks. I have increased my lesson time in the run up to my test so will concentrate on these.  I haven't taken up the idea of him joining us for lessons as I feel a similar thing may happen as told by Midge. Generally feel happier now.

#10 11-05-04 08:18:18

TDC
Verified Member
Registered: 30-04-04
Posts: 1,948

Re: Learning to drive is putting a strain on the marriage

this is more than likely because you will take what instructors say in a professional way but you will take any feedback from a loved one in a deeper more personal way even though it may be meant to be taken in a helpful way.  Hubbies only want what is best for their wives and for their wives to drive as well as possible (honest) remember we are thinking of you ladies driving round our precious children so you have to do it right!
Read men are from mars women are from venus and work on your  communication skills away from the car


Im so good its unbelievable

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