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#1 01-06-08 22:34:01

binty1968
Verified Member
From: Hants/Surrey border
Registered: 22-02-06
Posts: 1,691
Website

A Womans Week at the Gym

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football  cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a  try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer  named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Monday:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was  well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

Tuesday:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I  made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worth while. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Porsche in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate
an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other s**t too.

Thursday :
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b***h to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank!

Friday:
I hate that b***h Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could
move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don' t have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little s**t) will choose a gift for me that is fun --
like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

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01-06-08 22:34:01

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Re: A Womans Week at the Gym




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#2 02-06-08 10:00:53

keefidee
Verified Member
From: south east wales
Registered: 25-11-06
Posts: 510
Website

Re: A Womans Week at the Gym

Love it! And so true to life!

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#3 02-06-08 13:16:52

Doc
Verified Member
Registered: 11-02-06
Posts: 559
Website

Re: A Womans Week at the Gym

That made me laugh so much. If only you could manage that every week then i wouldn't need the tv.

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#4 02-06-08 16:12:23

binty1968
Verified Member
From: Hants/Surrey border
Registered: 22-02-06
Posts: 1,691
Website

Re: A Womans Week at the Gym

Got to admit it really made me chuckle too....& why I've never joined a gym!

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#5 02-06-08 16:26:32

Shazzer
Member
From: Staffs
Registered: 27-01-08
Posts: 203

Re: A Womans Week at the Gym

Funny funny funny.........and a warning to us all!!

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#6 03-06-08 09:42:54

Doc
Verified Member
Registered: 11-02-06
Posts: 559
Website

Re: A Womans Week at the Gym

I'm sure you are equally as funny as a couch potato big_smile

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#7 03-06-08 16:02:57

jackie99100
Member
From: Merseyside
Registered: 08-09-07
Posts: 133

Re: A Womans Week at the Gym

I was thinking how brave you were binty for joining the gym, while i was sitting here eating a giant pizza  tongue true that is,made me laugh tongue


Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts

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